What does it mean when someone says they are unlucky in love? Of course, they are times when we get deceived. Or perhaps others around us find their mate while we remain single. An element of bad luck is palpable in such scenarios. But it is far from the only factor.
You see, creating and maintaining a healthy relationship requires both partners to do a whole lot of work. For example, we need to identify past mistakes — and learn from them. Ideally, we must figure out how to not repeat those mistakes. With that in mind, let’s discuss five ways to accomplish these critical goals.
5 Ways To Stop Past Relationship Mistakes From Repeating Themselves
1. Recognize Your Role
The downside of chalking up relationship issues to bad luck is that it eschews self-reflection. Navigating the realm of relationships requires that we each do some soul-searching. This is not about being self-critical. Rather, view it as a call to explore patterns in your personal interactions that you might want to address if you want to move forward.
2. Release the Past
Speaking of moving forward, you can learn from the past but you must also let it go. Everyone makes mistakes but that doesn’t make them a bad person. It also doesn’t doom them to loneliness. The trick is to be present. You can’t change how things worked out in previous relationships. But it is absolutely your responsibility to not carry dysfunction forward from those messy situations. Forgive yourself and everyone involved. It’s time for the new you to debut.
3. Get Excited to Learn — and Change
Moving on from the past is a whole lot easier when you’re excited about what happens next. A few suggestions along the way:
- Commit to taking responsibility for your actions and choices
- Own up to your misjudgments without guilt
- Embrace the excitement of changing
- Pledge to reduce drama and dysfunction in your life
- Learn about attachment styles
That last item is a biggie. Each of us has our own attachment style and most of us have an insecure attachment style. This is a result of how we were treated by parents and other caretakers when we were very young. Bad news: Our attachment style shapes all of our social interactions as we move into adulthood. Good news: Our attachment style can very much be changed for the better. Connecting with a qualified therapist is the ideal way to get this process started.
4. Identify Your Needs and Your Dealbreakers
In order to set the stage for a healthy relationship, you must know in advance what it is you want. You also want to know how you want a relationship to make you feel. So, whether you’re single or have just met a potential partner, do the tough work of honestly assessing your needs. This includes identifying and articulating your dealbreakers. Anything less can and will lead to confusion and misunderstandings.
5. Commit to Better Communication
Accomplishing the above four steps requires direct, healthy, and regular communication. Make this the foundation of all your relationships — friends, lovers, family members, colleagues, neighbors, and more. It will be the skeleton key for finding ways to stay in synch and repair any damage caused by the inevitable conflicts.
This is All Best Accomplished With Some Help
Let’s be clear. Owning up to mistakes, learning how to communicate, and identifying your attachment style are all challenges. But this menu of requirements can be made more palatable with the help of a skilled and unbiased guide. You are not alone. If you need relationship support, I’m ready to be there for you through relationship counseling. Let’s connect and talk soon.