At the beginning of a relationship, it seems you’ll never run out of things to talk about. As you ponder your future, it never crosses your mind that communication could become an issue. But both life and relationships are more complicated than that. You slide into a routine and perhaps, as you get to know each other better, you find areas where differences exist.
Unless these uncomfortable topics are discussed openly, the tension can appear in the form of resentment and conflict. You’ll talk about who did the dishes but avoid the underlying problems. Fortunately, healthy communication is a skill you can hone at any time.
How To Fix It When Communication Has Stopped In Your Relationship
Put Communication on Your Daily To-Do List
After the honeymoon phase, it can be easy to start taking each other for granted. Nip that in the bud. Make conversations a big part of your relationship. Ideally, this means direct and face-to-face. In addition, do not lose touch when things get busy. Always check in with each other, leave notes, and express gratitude and appreciation.
Become a Better, More Curious, and Patient Listener
You are part of a couple, a team. The idea is to collaborate and create happiness together. Therefore, communication must be a fluid, two-way channel. Both partners must feel secure that they are truly being heard and validated — even when a disagreement happens.
This requires both of you to actively listen, resist interruptions, give each other a chance to talk and be genuinely curious about what your partner has to say. When a difference arises, it’s a chance to learn something new about the topic at hand. It’s also a critical opportunity to learn more about the love of your life.
Reject Passive-Aggressive Tactics
These may include silent treatment, eye-rolling, sarcasm, stonewalling, expecting your partner to read your mind, and more. Choices like this are a virtual guarantee that things will get worse. You also want to examine your language choices. Words like “always” and “never” feel confrontational. Also, it can be far more productive to switch out “you” statements and replace them with “I” statements.
Appreciate the Importance of Timing
Not every time (or place) is ideal for communication. Work with your partner to understand how to set yourselves up for communication success. If there is something significant to talk about, choose the best possible time and setting. Make this decision together and stay in the habit of reading the room when it comes to your interactions.
Learn About Each Other’s Attachment Style
We learn about interpersonal attachments when we are very young. Whether it’s your parents or any other caretaker, they lead by example when it comes to how you’ll behave as an adult. Ideally, you and your partner have secure attachment styles. Far more likely, both of you developed some insecure elements. Take the time to get informed about this concept and about your partner’s style. Keep in mind that attachment styles do not have to be permanent. To learn more about this topic, couples therapy can be indispensable.
Speaking of Therapy
If communication has become stale or contentious, the best starting point for you might be in a therapy room. When you work with a skilled, unbiased guide, you both have a chance to share openly — to tell your side of the story. At the same time, your therapist can observe you in action as a couple. This can be invaluable in terms of identifying where, how, and why communication is breaking down. Communication is a foundational aspect of any relationship. Asking for help is a powerful choice.
Reach out to learn more about relationship counseling.
